Many people would not think this, but I feel like a failure quite a bit of the time. Please note this is not some not-so-subtle attempt to have people say nice things or make me feel better. I am fine. But truth is a do feel like a failure is pretty much every area.
- I feel like a failure as a pastor. I feel like there is always someone I am not adequately investing in or encouraging or supporting or helping.
- I feel like a failure as a husband. I am always aware of things I could be doing to honor and love my wife better. I do not serve her when I could, and I am selfish when I should not be.
- I feel like a failure as a friend. I have friends that I love deeply that I cannot find time for. I want to hang and care for them. I can feel like I am consistently letting them down.
- I feel like a failure as an athlete. I feel like I miss shots I should make. I didn’t pass it when I should have. I was lazy and did not hustle.
- I feel like a failure as dad. I get harsh and short when I shouldn’t. I do not give the kids time in certain moments where I easily could. I am not as involved in some projects or assignments as I could be. Sometimes I don’t facilitate the kind of habit or practice I should for the daily routine.
- I feel like a failure as a son/sibling. I do not call back quick enough. I do not make enough time to talk or pursue. I am not able to give the energy I should to those who deserve more. And that disappoints others.
I could keep going. This is just what is in my head sometimes. And the truth is, it is true. I do fail in those things. I wish I didn’t and I am working to fail less, but I do fail. Uplifting stuff, huh? But there is one area I don’t feel like a failure in: I don’t feel like a failure as a Christian. This is certainly not because I am getting it right all the time. It is clear I am screwing up in many areas. But as it pertains to be a Christian, I realized long ago that you stop failing by admitting you are a failure. Being a Christian is the one place that my success is actually rooted in my own failure. In my failure, I met and now trust in the one who never fails. My success in my Christian life is not built on me, but on Him. So I fail in that area, but that is the whole point. My failure reveals my victory in Christ. I am a failure, but as a Christian that is alright in Christ.