Many people would not think this, but I feel like a failure quite a bit of the time. Please note this is not some not-so-subtle attempt to have people say nice things or make me feel better. I am fine. But truth is a do feel like a failure is pretty much every area.
- I feel like a failure as a pastor. I feel like there is always someone I am not adequately investing in or encouraging or supporting or helping.
- I feel like a failure as a husband. I am always aware of things I could be doing to honor and love my wife better. I do not serve her when I could, and I am selfish when I should not be.
- I feel like a failure as a friend. I have friends that I love deeply that I cannot find time for. I want to hang and care for them. I can feel like I am consistently letting them down.
- I feel like a failure as an athlete. I feel like I miss shots I should make. I didn’t pass it when I should have. I was lazy and did not hustle.
- I feel like a failure as dad. I get harsh and short when I shouldn’t. I do not give the kids time in certain moments where I easily could. I am not as involved in some projects or assignments as I could be. Sometimes I don’t facilitate the kind of habit or practice I should for the daily routine.
- I feel like a failure as a son/sibling. I do not call back quick enough. I do not make enough time to talk or pursue. I am not able to give the energy I should to those who deserve more. And that disappoints others.
I could keep going. This is just what is in my head sometimes. And the truth is, it is true. I do fail in those things. I wish I didn’t and I am working to fail less, but I do fail. Uplifting stuff, huh? But there is one area I don’t feel like a failure in: I don’t feel like a failure as a Christian. This is certainly not because I am getting it right all the time. It is clear I am screwing up in many areas. But as it pertains to be a Christian, I realized long ago that you stop failing by admitting you are a failure. Being a Christian is the one place that my success is actually rooted in my own failure. In my failure, I met and now trust in the one who never fails. My success in my Christian life is not built on me, but on Him. So I fail in that area, but that is the whole point. My failure reveals my victory in Christ. I am a failure, but as a Christian that is alright in Christ.
Thank you for sharing this! I read at the time God needed me to hear it the most! I appreciate your transparent as our pastor.
I can so relate to this Keith! I have the same feelings of letting people down, or not doing all I should have in many areas of my life. Praise God, that HIs power is perfected in my weakness. (gives Him lots of opportunities doesn’t it?) Thank you for being a Pastor who gets real with us. Lisa Gusler
Focusing on the things we got wrong can and will bring us down. What we need to focus on are the positives in our life, starting with our relationship with Christ and then start adding on what else brings us joy, ei our children, spouse, watching a sun rise/sunset….I also have many failures in life and often reflect on them.
You have definitely expressed how I am currently feeling in my job teaching first graders right now and given me some food for thought. There are always things I think I should be doing more of and I have a hard time reminding myself that some of my expectations are unrealistic. It is refreshing to hear honest thoughts from you as the Pastor and it always helps to hear about people in similar situations. I am definitely trying to pray continuously during the day but it is so hard to not be sidetracked.
I am so thankful that you have returned to posting to your blog. I check regularly for any new updates and I truly appreciate your insights and willingness to share your time and thoughts with us in this way. You and your family are always in my prayers. Thank you for all that you do!