Yesterday, I wrote a post about the things I am saying to my 8 year old son. I mentioned that I am quickly realizing how fast my son is growing up and will be a man. I am not just fortunate to have a son, but I also have a 5 year old daughter, Kaiya. She is growing up just as quickly. In the same way I have felt led to plant certain truths deep down in Kaden, I am planting some deep down in Kaiya. I want her to hear and see certain things over and over. Here are the things I am trying to say regularly to my little girl in moments where it makes sense to say them.
- I love your mother – I want her to know that I love and respect her mother. I want her to have a clear example of the kind of man she should be looking for to marry. A man who will cherish her. A man who will date her. A man who will buy things for her. A man who will lead her spiritually. She can see this in me as I love her mother. In fact, the other day, Kaiya told me that I go on too many dates with mommy. That made me happy.
- Pouting is unacceptable – I am alright with her being disappointed. I am alright with sad. I am alright with heart broken. But I am not alright with I will cry and pout and make sad faces to get my way. You may say she is 5 lighten up. Come on. Be real. We have an entire generation of girls who cry, make a sad face and whine until daddy or their boyfriend caves. We have girls who have leveraged pouting as a form of nagging. She needs to understand that if she wants to make a case, then make a case and not a face.
- You are beautiful – She is. Not just because she is my daughter. But she is pretty and she is going to be pretty. Her mother is flippin Snow White. She is going to be beautiful. She should not settle for any man who does not see her value. I want her to know she is a catch. She should never settle with anyone who treats her as less than awesome. This also means your body is valuable and for private viewing. Part of her understanding her beauty is understanding the power of that beauty. Modesty is a must in displaying that beauty. Giving away your body to man is the dessert for marriage, not an appetizer in dating.
- Take responsibility – This one is pretty target specific to my daughter, and may not be something most girls need to hear. She passes the buck. It is always someone else’s fault. If you did it, own it. Both when it is good and when it is bad. It is not acceptable to blame your poor choices on others or expect others to cover for you. Be humble and admit when you got it wrong.
- God can use you – I want her to know that God can use her to be a world changer. I want her to know that when you are following God you should believe that God wants to take ordinary you and do extraordinary things. Living for Jesus is not about following random and obscure rules, it is about joining God on an incredible rescue mission to make the world the way it was intended to be. I want her to participate in that adventure. I want her to be a powerful, strong, courageous woman who influences others for the cause of Christ.
- I will always be here for you – She needs to know she can trust me, no matter what. She needs to know matter how bad it is or how scared she is or how much she is confused, I will be here for her. I will give her grace and I will try and do whatever I believe is best for her in that situation. Others may abandon her and hurt her, but I never will. Just like your heavenly Father, there is nothing you can do that will make me leave or forsake you.
- Your words matter – My daughter is an external processor and she will talk about every part of her day. This leads to telling stories about her classmates. She will even tell me the ones that make others look bad. I hate to paint with a broad brush, but let’s be honest women often have a gossip problem. There is something in them that leads to complain about their husbands to the other wives. I want her to understand that her words should be used to tell the positive and to build up. I love that she wants to talk, but it must be harnessed and seasoned.
I hope that my little princess gets these deep in her soul. Imagine a generation of women that had these values deep in their heart and lived them out.
Thanks for sharing with us *what* you are telling your kids. Maybe in a future post you could share *how* you are communicating/demonstrating this to them. I often struggle with how to communicate/demonstrate some of these things, like I explain too much and they glaze over, or I explain too little and they don’t really get the point.