#1 Complaint from Husbands

I love my kids.  I mean love them.  It is crazy how when they were born, a whole new part of my heart was created and was filled with love for Kaden and Kaiya.  I need to say this upfront.  You need to know that I think investing in your children and giving them opportunities to experience things like sports, dance, music, school and travel is awesome.  I think serving and providing for them is an important part of raising children.

But Houston, we have a problem.  And this problem is affecting marriages across the country.  We have deified our kids.  They are our gods and they are defining our existences.  There are several unhealthy byproducts to this reality, but I want to focus on one in this post.

I meet with married people all the time as a pastor.  Sometimes I meet with the couple together, other times separately, and have done so for 8 years.  As I have chatted with many men, I hear the same complaint/ concern quite consistently.  Now before I state this common complaint, I want to say that for the record that I am fully aware that the husbands leveraging this accusation often have their own issues.  I understand that what they are feeling, projecting and saying may or may not have its roots in their own struggles/ failures to be great husbands.  That said, I have heard this enough to believe it is real.  It does not come out right away, but as we talk, I hear this.  My wife treats me as the least important one in the family.  I get her left overs and her scraps.  The kids get first.  Then maybe something associated with the kids like concession stand duty at the ball field.  Then the dog.  Then the goldfish.  Then me.  I get the least amount of affection, care, conversation, creativity, value and grace.  (For those wives yelling at their computer screen right now, please go back and re-read the beginning of this paragraph)  I also want to state that this not a mom/ woman only problem.  There are men doing the same thing.  They are living out their sports fantasies through junior. The office and the ball team get the best of them and their wives are getting no priority.

Here is the deal.  God has an economy that He designed into creation.  When we mess with that economy something will get hurt and burned and warped.  God says the order is Him, spouse, then kids.  Does your life, my life, reflect this?  Do your Facebook posts?  Your calendar?  Your dreams?  Your energy?  Your spending?  Your hugs and kisses?


2 thoughts on “#1 Complaint from Husbands

  1. Thinking upon your latest post… as husbands do we create opportunities to receive the best from our wives? I mean even though she may be at home with the kids all day, is there a drive within her to hold something back for us? I believe it is mostly our responsibility to create opportunities, times we don’t talk about the kids, sports, etc… Doing the hard things like getting up and seeing you off to work knowing that as soon as the kids are up her morning won’t see rest until they nap? As a husband do I call, text, email or send facebook messages to her to let her know that she is thought of, loved and that I look forward to being with her when I’m home. Do I ask about things other than the kids knowing that if I throw out the generic question of how’d things go today, I’ll get the same answer 9 times out of 10? If we want the best from our wives do they know it, or feel it from within their hearts? Just saying you can always tell what team wants the win the most when watching the game, right? It takes the team with the winning “attitude” from the first whistle that doesn’t let up and is always pursuing the victory and must have it.

  2. After seeing that video I realized that, families r falling apart and relationships r destroyed but I know that when u have a relationship with God. It means he will love u forever until the of the world (not 2012). I love u guys and I miss u all so much. I’ve moved to Westerville to be with my family, I’m also starting a martial arts ministry soon in 2014 or 2013. I want wish u all a very merry Christmas and a happy new year 🙂

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