I love my kids. I mean love them. It is crazy how when they were born, a whole new part of my heart was created and was filled with love for Kaden and Kaiya. I need to say this upfront. You need to know that I think investing in your children and giving them opportunities to experience things like sports, dance, music, school and travel is awesome. I think serving and providing for them is an important part of raising children.
But Houston, we have a problem. And this problem is affecting marriages across the country. We have deified our kids. They are our gods and they are defining our existences. There are several unhealthy byproducts to this reality, but I want to focus on one in this post.
I meet with married people all the time as a pastor. Sometimes I meet with the couple together, other times separately, and have done so for 8 years. As I have chatted with many men, I hear the same complaint/ concern quite consistently. Now before I state this common complaint, I want to say that for the record that I am fully aware that the husbands leveraging this accusation often have their own issues. I understand that what they are feeling, projecting and saying may or may not have its roots in their own struggles/ failures to be great husbands. That said, I have heard this enough to believe it is real. It does not come out right away, but as we talk, I hear this. My wife treats me as the least important one in the family. I get her left overs and her scraps. The kids get first. Then maybe something associated with the kids like concession stand duty at the ball field. Then the dog. Then the goldfish. Then me. I get the least amount of affection, care, conversation, creativity, value and grace. (For those wives yelling at their computer screen right now, please go back and re-read the beginning of this paragraph) I also want to state that this not a mom/ woman only problem. There are men doing the same thing. They are living out their sports fantasies through junior. The office and the ball team get the best of them and their wives are getting no priority.
Here is the deal. God has an economy that He designed into creation. When we mess with that economy something will get hurt and burned and warped. God says the order is Him, spouse, then kids. Does your life, my life, reflect this? Do your Facebook posts? Your calendar? Your dreams? Your energy? Your spending? Your hugs and kisses?