Dating

People used to say it to me all the time.  Your kids will grow up so fast.  I used to think whatever or just be quiet or I will not feel that way.  But like in so many cases, the people who had been there were right.  My kids are growing up fast.  I am really amazed how fast it feels like the time has gone.  As time is moving by and the kids are growing up, I have started to think about many issues they will be facing soon as they grow up and the stakes get higher.  The older your child gets, the higher the stakes of the decisions they make.  This is true about their money, their schoolwork, their eating habits and so on.  The topic that has started to be on my mind is the topic of dating.  It is some years out, but it has already been on my mind.

I have been thinking about some “red flags” to call out to each of my kids regarding the kind of boy or girl they should each pursue.

  1. The person they are thinking about dating is not passionately in love with Jesus.  This does not mean that the individual even just goes to church.  The person needs to love the Lord their God and be pursuing Him.  It is a DANGEROUS thing to date hoping you will win the person in this direction.
  2. The person is not generous.  Look for someone who loves blessing others.  You want this to be a trait of your relationship with each other and with everyone they interact with.
  3. The person is flaky with his or her commitment to the relationship.  Avoid the person who plays the games.  You are with it or you are not.  I am not talking about saying the person can not have time to figure things out.   But the I am in and I am out thing over and over is a sign to run.
  4. The person’s heart is hard to fall in love with.  If you are in love with her beauty or his car or his jump shot or her image or whatever, that is fine.  But those things are usually fleeting.  You need to be able to fall in love with the character and values of the person.  If this is hard, get out.
  5. The person is a pouter.  This is no fun.  If he or she cries at every little thing, do not go there.
  6. The person is lazy.  This trait is going to follow the person wherever he or she goes.  The person does not have to be an entrepreneur, but he or she needs to work at whatever is in front of them.
  7. The person is in constant financial crisis.  Again, hear the intent.  I am not talking he or she has to be rich. But avoid the person who is constantly spending beyond his or her means.  If the individual is ok with just constantly using the credit card, look out.  Watch out for the guy or girl who never feels like the lifestyle he or she has is enough.  A hard worker who is driven is great, but be careful of the person who is living by the motto of MORE.
  8. The primary motive for pursuing this individual is your loneliness.  Loneliness is horrible and very real.  But settling will cripple you for years to come.

4 thoughts on “Dating

  1. Excellent points. Unfortunately I know a lot of teens, parents of teens and even single adults who would say something like this: “Those are definitely things I will be careful to look out for when I am looking for a spouse, but I’m not looking for Mr. or Mrs. Right. I’m just dating to have fun.” Unfortunately that viewpoint is reinforced by society and the media. And since dating doesn’t specifically seem to be addressed in scripture, it becomes a wisdom issue.

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